Marriage and Family

Eat that Frog!

alandsylvia@comcast.net — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 21:43:00 GMT

Issue 10, Jul 2008
Most of us have some regrets. We know well the word, “If only I had “ or “I wish I did”, and “if I had only chosen that direction”. That’s why we memorized the John Greenleaf Whittier lines,

“For all sad words of tongue or pen,
The saddest are these,
It might have been."

Regrets can weigh us down, make our life sad, or cause us to end up with bitterness and even hatred.

In a gathering of local pastors several months ago, one pastor mentioned the book Eat That Frog. He said it was available in libraries. I didn’t believe it, so next time I visited our local library, I asked the librarian for the book. She gave me a sort of ‘you’re pulling my leg look’, but checked the data base and said, “Yes, here it is." She found it in the business section of Kingwood College in North Harris County. I asked her please to get it.

So here it is, lying in front of me, written by Brian Tracy. It's a self-help book with the subtitle: 21 ways to stop procrastinating and get more done in less time. The title, Eat That Frog, comes from the thought that if the worst thing you had to do today was to eat a frog, get to it. Boil it, fry it, grill it, steam it, but get it done. After that, the rest of the tasks of the day will be easier.

Makes sense, doesn’t it? Just start, and the thing gets done.

Reminded me of the homestead in our neighborhood when I was growing up. The item that set this place off was a white rail fence around the property. Really looked fancy. But after some weathering, the fence needed to be painted, and a friend answered the plea for somebody to do it. Then he wished he had not. And he talked with his father about the job. He sort of mentioned that he really did not want to do it. It was a boring, dull job. But his dad quoted that old bromide: “By the yard, it’s hard, but it’s a cinch by the inch”

So he got started, did one board at a time and was soon finished. Was he ever proud! He pointed out his work to everyone who would listen.

So the frog book really exists, and it is quite helpful. It looks as if it was even used as a text for some classes.

But how about those regrets? Things we did to hurt, words we spoke and cannot take back, actions we really should not have taken? There is help for that too.

King David said it best, and he said it for us all, "But there is forgiveness with Thee, that Thou mayest be feared” (Psalm 130:4).

Reverend G.P. Dobberfuhl

Going With the Crowd

alandsylvia@comcast.net — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:42:00 GMT

Issue 9, Jun 2008
Nice breeze this morning, so the walking was pleasant, cool, invigorating. And the school year ends tomorrow.

Graduation time. Once again, it is time for celebrations, offering of best wishes and words of advice for the newly minted graduates.

So, this morning one column in our local newspaper suggested paying attention to the handshake. Did you look the principal in the eye when you shook his or her hand and smile?

Funny, we take handshakes for granted, and yet this columnist claimed studies show it can give people impressions about a person. If the handshake is firm and direct, and the person makes eye contact and smiles directly, it means sincerity and makes a fine first statement.

But, if the handshake is careless, sloppy and lukewarm while one glances over the shoulder or down to the floor, it makes a bad impression.

So the advice is to stick your hand out horizontally, have a warm smile on your face, and shake once, firmly, and release.

But enough about graduation and handshakes.

I was thinking this morning of the advice parents offer during good-byes as their son or daughter leaves home for university or to work elsewhere.

One that sticks in my mind is something my own father said. He warned us about “Mitmachen”. It’s a German word that covers so many things. At its root, the word means doing something because everybody else is doing it, going with the crowd. Dad used to picture the end of that trail. It usually ended in doing something stupid.

King Solomon said, “My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not”. Prov.1:10.

Don’t go that way. Do your own thinking. Avoid the path of the wicked, said Solomon, “pass not by it, turn from it, and pass away” (Prov. 4:14-19). It is better to think about an action beforehand. What is the end of it? What does it mean? To what purpose am I doing this? So many questions. But, the point is, ask them before doing what “everybody is doing.”

That’s really a sound word for us at any time. We’ve all done things, dumb things, stupid things, even hurtful things, because we did not first ask what the end of our acts or words might be.

Think, then act, is the word from Solomon. Then he says, “My son, attend to my words; incline thine ear unto my sayings. Let them not depart from thine eyes; keep them in the midst of thine heart. For they are life unto those that find them and health to all their flesh. Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life” (Prov. 4,20-23).

By Rev. Gerhard Dobberfuhl

What I Learned About Peace Making

alandsylvia@comcast.net — Mon, 05 May 2008 18:27:00 GMT

Issue 8, May 2008
When Pastor Henry Gray accepted the call, he saw it as a call to serve a church where he could do some very effective work. He saw before him a field where his special talents and personal growth in ministry would be most useful for the kingdom. So, after much prayer and thought, he accepted the call.

An interesting sidelight was that the District President, a son of this congregation, had urged Pastor Gray to accept. He installed Gray as pastor in a June evening service. The service was well attended and, at the reception after, the members showed their excitement about having a new pastor after nearly a year.

Of course there were problems. The circuit counselor and the congregation’s leadership were forthright in laying out the work the new pastor faced. The congregation's chairman and the chairman of the Board of Elders told Pastor Gray a horror story the morning after his installation.

What Pastor was not aware of was the table, Grandma Schmidt’s table. Grandma Schmidt, a long time and well respected member of the church, had died in the past month. She was mourned by all. BUT two of her daughters laid claim to a rickety table about which they each said, “Mom told me I was to have it." As it happens now and then, neither was giving in, and the result was two camps. The Ladies Aid was divided, the voters' meeting was divided and the children fought. The congregation was in real turmoil over Grandma's table.

What to do?

Pastor called the daughters and their husbands to a meeting at the church that week Wednesday. They came, reluctantly, and sat down with him. He thanked them for coming and, after a prayer, told them the story of Jonah. They listened, wondering what this was, for they all knew that story. But they really did not, because Pastor Gray opened the Bible to the last chapter of the book of Jonah and asked them to read it again while he stepped out for fifteen minutes or so.

When Pastor came back he asked them about what they had read. They recited the details with blank looks. Then, Bible in hand, he pointed out that Jonah was angry about a vine, while God was concerned about the 12,000 souls in the city of Nineveh.

Looking grave, he continued, "You are tearing this church apart because of a rickety table, while I, the shepherd, am concerned for the 800 souls here. Last week what happened here didn’t bother me, because I did not know of it. Today it does, because I made a solemn promise to serve as God’s shepherd, feeding 'the flock of God which He purchased with His own blood.' Please, for your sake, for the sake of many souls and for the sake of unity, settle this matter today, one way or another, but settle it."

They did. They used the rickety table to make a fire to prepare a peace meal for the entire congregation to celebrate the event. The Schmidt family lived and worked in that congregation for many years. And Pastor Gray served them all with rich blessings and glory to God.

____________

By Rev. Gerhard Dobberfuhl

Marriage Is Good For You

alandsylvia@comcast.net — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 19:14:00 GMT

Issue 7, Apr 2008
A couple years ago I came across a Reuters article by Joanne Morrison. It was titled "Marriage builds wealth more than being single." I couldn't find a copy of it posted on the Internet any longer, but I saved the article, because I found it very interesting to learn that the wealth of a married person is almost double that of somebody who is single.

Apparently marriage is not merely the combining of the resources of two people. According to a study by Jay Zagorsky of Ohio State University's Center for Human Resource Research, "Those who remained together saw a 93 percent gain in wealth compared to that of a single person. Individuals facing divorce saw their financial situation deteriorate long before the decree became final.

The study surveyed over 9,000 Americans between 21 and 28 years over a 15-year period. The single respondents had a growth from $2,000 at the start to an average of about $11,000 after 15 years. However, those who married and stayed married saw their wealth grow to an average of $43,000 by the 10th year of marriage.

In an older article by Maggie Gallagher, "Why Marriage is Good for You," I found "Top Ten Reasons Why Marriage Is Good For You." This came out of research for a book that she and Linda J. Waite wrote in 2000, The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier, and Better Off Financially. Here is a summary of the Ten Reasons Maggie gives.

10. It's Safer For You.

"Single and divorced women were four to five times more likely to be victims of violence in any given year than wives; bachelors were four times more likely to be violent-crime victims than husbands. Two-thirds of acts of violence against women committed by intimate partners were not committed by husbands but by boyfriends (whether live-in or not) or former husbands or boyfriends."

9. It Can Save Your Life.

"Nine out of ten married guys who are alive at 48 will make it to age 65, compared with just six in ten comparable single guys (controlling for race, education, and income). For women, the protective benefits of marriage are also powerful, though not quite as large. Nine out of ten wives alive at age 48 will live to be senior citizens, compared with just eight out of ten divorced and single women."

8. It Can Save Your Kid's Lives

"Forty-year-olds from divorced homes were three times more likely to die from all causes than 40-year-olds whose parents stayed married."

7. You Will Earn More Money

"Married men make, by some estimates, as much as 40 percent more money than comparable single guys, even after controlling for education and job history. The longer a man stays married, the higher the marriage premium he receives. Wives' earnings also benefit from marriage, but they decline when motherhood enters the picture."

6. Did I Mention You'll Get Richer?

"Married people not only make more money, they manage money better and build more wealth together than either would alone. At identical income levels, for example, married people are less likely to report "economic hardship" or trouble paying basic bills. The longer you stay married, the more assets you build."

5. You'll Tame His/Her Cheatin' Heart

"Marriage increases sexual fidelity. Cohabiting men are four times more likely to cheat than husbands, and cohabiting women are eight times more likely to cheat than wives. Marriage is also the only realistic promise of permanence in a romantic relationship. Just one out of ten cohabiting couples are still cohabiting after five years. By contrast, 80 percent of couples marrying for the first time are still married five years later, and close to 60 percent (if current divorce rates continue) will marry for life."

4. You'll Not Go Bonkers

"Marriage is good for your mental health. Married men and women are less depressed, less anxious, and less psychologically distressed than single, divorced, or widowed Americans. . .Married men are only half as likely as bachelors and one-third as likely as divorced guys to take their own lives. Wives are also much less likely to commit suicide than single, divorced, or widowed women. Married people are much less likely to have problems with alcohol abuse or illegal drugs."

3. It Will Make You Happy

"Overall, 40 percent of married people, compared with about a quarter of singles or cohabitors, say they are "very happy" with life in general. Married people are also only about half as likely as singles or cohabitors to say they are unhappy with their lives."

2. Your Kids Will Love You More

"Divorce weakens the bonds between parents and children over the long run. Adult children of divorce describe relationships with both their mother and their father less positively, on average, and they are about 40 percent less likely than adults from intact marriages to say they see either parent at least several times a week."

1. You'll Have A Better Sex Life

"Married people are also the most likely to report a highly satisfying sex life. Wives, for example, are almost twice as likely as divorced and never-married women to have a sex life that a) exists and b) is extremely satisfying emotionally. Contrary to popular lore, for men, having a wife beats shacking up by a wide margin: 50 percent of husbands say sex with their partner is extremely satisfying physically, compared with 39 percent of cohabiting men."

Maggie makes a very significant point in one of her final paragraphs when she says that "marriage is a partnership in the whole of life, backed up by family, community, and religious values, marriage can do what economic partnerships don't: give a greater sense of meaning and purpose to life (a reason to exercise or cut back on booze, work harder, and to keep plugging even in the middle of those times when the marriage may not feel gratifying at all). Married people are both responsible for and responsible to another human being, and both halves of that dynamic lead the married to live more responsible, fruitful, and satisfying lives. Marriage is a transformative act, changing the way two people look at each other, at the future, and at their roles in society. And it changes the way significant others—from family to congregation to insurance companies and the IRS—look at and treat that same couple. Sexual fidelity, an economic union, a parenting alliance, the promise of care that transcends day-to-day emotions: all these are what give a few words mumbled before a clergyman or judge the power to change lives."

Of course, we already knew this to be true when we examined God's outline for life, summarized in the Ten Commandments. In commenting upon the one forbidding adultery, Martin Luther wrote, "We should fear and love God so that we lead a sexually pure and decent life in what we say and do, and husband and wife love and honor each other." Those who follow these guidelines find many blessings from their Creator.

Christian couples claim reasons for staying together beyond those listed above, as good as they may be. They learn to love one another because they know they're always loved by the Lord Jesus, the Husband who left His Father and joined Himself to His bride, the church, and gave Himself for her, even to death on the cross.

In His instructions about marriage, the Apostle Paul writes about the mystery tied up with marriage (Ephesians 5:22-33). He quotes the guidance God gave when Eve was given to Adam. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

Then he continues, "This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband."

In the mysterious and never-ending love that Christ has for His bride, the church, we find the power to give and forgive, to love and be loved in this God-designed relationship called marriage.

________________________

By Al Franzmeier, Editor

Just a Mom?

alandsylvia@comcast.net — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 20:28:00 GMT

Issue 6, Mar 2008
The Bible teaches the value and importance of Motherhood in the commandment to "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you" (Exodus 20:12) and in the Proverb: "My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother" (Prov. 1:8). In the Word of God respect for one's mother ranks next to reverence for God whose representative she is. Unfortunately, that is not always the way motherhood is viewed in American culture.

An anonymous Mom defended her motherhood with the following story.

A woman, renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk Office was asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation. She hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is" explained the recorder, "do you have a job or are you just a...?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped the woman.

"I'm a Mom."

"We don't list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient and possessed of a high sounding title like, "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."

"What is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it? I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations," I said.

The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and looked up as though she had not heard right.

I repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research..." (what mother doesn't) "in the laboratory and in the field" (normally I would have said indoors and out). "I'm working for my Masters ..." (first the Lord, my Master and then for the whole family) "and already have four credits," (all daughters). "Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities ..." (any mother care to disagree?) "and I often work 14 hours a day" (24 is more like it). "But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are more of a satisfaction than just working for money."

There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants--ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (a six month old baby) in the child development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another Mom."

Motherhood! What a glorious career! Especially when there's a title on the door. Does this make grandmothers "Senior Research associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations" and great grandmothers "Executive Senior Research Associates"? I think so! I also think it makes Aunts "Associate Research Assistants".

Here's to Mothers, the Lord's Research Associates in the field of Child Development and Human Relations!

May your troubles be less,
Your blessings be more
And nothing but happiness
Come through your door!
________________________________

Author unknown - forwarded by email.